Okay, real talk—I’m sitting in my apartment in Austin right now, it’s literally 96 degrees outside even though it’s December, my AC is wheezing like it’s on its own retirement plan, and I just opened my Vanguard app to see I have… checks notes… $11,400 saved at 34. That’s after a decade of “I’ll do it next year.” Start retirement planning early is something I used to roll my eyes at harder than a TikTok finance bro, but holy crap do I get it now.https://www.fidelity.com/calculators/retirement-planning
Why I Screwed Up Not Starting Retirement Planning Early (Like, Embarrassingly)
Back in 2015 I was making $45k a year, living in a group house in Denver, and thought “retirement” was what happened to my dad who still wears cargo shorts unironically. I spent my tax refund on a PlayStation 4 and a trip to Vegas where I lost $800 in exactly 45 minutes. Meanwhile my coworker Jess—who’s literally two years older than me—just hit $150k in her 401(k) because she started at 22. I hate her a completely rational amount.https://www.fidelity.com/calculators/retirement-planning
Compound interest is the most passive-aggressive force in the universe. It’s like that friend who gets hot over quarantine while you’re stress-eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on the couch. Start retirement planning early and that friend becomes a millionaire. Wait until your 30s like I did? You’re basically racing Usain Bolt after shooting yourself in both feet with a Chipotle burrito.
First Steps I Actually Took Once I Stopped Being a Dumbass About Retirement Planning Early
Here’s the chaotic list I wish someone had slapped me with at 25:
- Maxed the employer 401(k) match the second I was eligible. Free money, bro. My company gives 6%. I was leaving $3,000+ on the table every year like a chump.
- Opened a Roth IRA on Vanguard because taxes suck and future-me will probably be in a lower bracket (lol manifesting).
- Set up auto-invest $200 every paycheck into VTSAX. Out of sight, out of mind, out of my dumb spending hands.
- Started a “side hustle” fund in a high-yield savings account (currently at 4.3% because the Fed finally did something useful) specifically for irregular income so I don’t blow it on DoorDash when I’m sad.https://www.fidelity.com/calculators/retirement-planning
The Math That Made Me Want to Yeet Myself Into the Sun
If I had started retirement planning early—like age 25—and put away $300/month at 8% average return? I’d be looking at roughly $950k by 65.
Instead I started at 32. Same $300/month? About $340k.
That’s $600k I basically lit on fire because I wanted craft IPAs and concert tickets. Cool cool cool.
Here, have a depressing table I made at 3 a.m. last week:
| Age You Start | Monthly Contribution | Total at 65 (8% return) |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | $300 | ~$950,000 |
| 30 | $300 | ~$615,000 |
| 35 | $300 | ~$400,000 |
| Me right now (34) | $500 (panic mode) | trying not to cry |
How I’m Fixing My Retirement Planning Early… Kinda Late
I’m doing the financial equivalent of a crash diet right now. Aggressively paying off the last $9k of credit card debt from my “I deserve this” era, then bumping contributions to $1,000/month. Also finally read “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” by Ramit Sethi (affiliate link because I’m not above it: https://amzn.to/3whatever) and “The Simple Path to Wealth” by JL Collins (https://jlcollinsnh.com/book/) and realized I’m not a special unicorn who’s gonna die at my desk anyway.https://jlcollinsnh.com/book/
Look, I still buy stupid stuff sometimes. Last month I spent $80 on limited-edition hot sauce. But at least now 15% of my income disappears into retirement accounts before I can touch it. Progress, not perfection.
Start retirement planning early. Or don’t, and end up like me—eating leftover tacos in Texas heat, calculating how many more years you gotta hustle so you’re not greeting Walmart in your 70s. Your call.
Anyway, if you’re under 30 and reading this: do it today. Open the account. Set the auto-transfer. Thank me when you’re 45 sipping margaritas on a beach I can’t afford.https://amzn.to/3WV9sJ2
(And if you’re over 30 like me… it’s not too late, just more painful. Let’s go cry into our index funds together.)
