Diversify investment portfolio, man, I wish 25-year-old me in Austin had googled that instead of shotgunning Lone Stars and buying ARKK at the top. I’m sitting here right now in my extremely mediocre apartment in Dallas, December 2025, heater rattling like it’s personally offended by the electric bill, half a Topo Chico going flat on the desk, and I’m finally admitting I’ve been a financial disaster for way too long.
Like, legit embarrassing story time: back in 2021 I had 83% of my net worth in three things: Tesla, Coinbase, and a single rental condo in Floriduh that smelled permanently like cat pee and regret. I thought I was diversified because “one’s a car, one’s crypto, one’s real estate, bro.” Then 2022 happened and I aged about nine years in nine months. My Robinhood app looked like a crime scene.
Why I Finally Decided to Diversify My Investment Portfolio (Instead of Just Praying)
Honestly? My mom called me crying because her financial guy put her entire 401(k) in some annuity that charges 3% a year. That hit different. I was like okay, if I don’t figure out actual investment diversification, I’m gonna be eating HEB brand cereal at 65 while still paying off credit-card debt from Whataburger addiction. Diversify investment portfolio
So I started small and stupid, the only way I know how.
My Actual (Messy) Steps to Diversify My Investment Portfolio Diversify investment portfolio
- Step 1: Sold enough Tesla to buy groceries without panic
Took me three therapy sessions to click the sell button. Still have some TSLA because I’m weak, but it’s down to like 12% now instead of “my entire personality.” - Step 2: Opened a boring Vanguard account
I literally chose VTI and chill because the subreddit told me to. First time I bought an index fund I felt like I was betraying the degen gods, but whatever, I sleep better. - Step 3: Threw some money at I Bonds when they were paying 9.62%
Felt like finding a cheat code. Government literally paying me almost 10% to not gamble? Yes please. (Link to TreasuryDirect because I’m a changed man: https://www.treasurydirect.gov/) - Step 4: Accidentally got into dividend stocks
Started with SCHD because some finance YouTuber with a beard wouldn’t shut up about it. Now I get like $87 every quarter and it feels like cheating at adulthood. - Step 5: Realized international stocks exist
Put 15% in VXUS and immediately felt cultured. Still don’t understand emerging markets but at least I own some.
The Asset Allocation I Currently Saving My Broke Soul Diversify investment portfolio
Rough numbers, December 2025, don’t judge me:
- 45% total US stock market (VTI)
- 15% international (VXUS)
- 15% bonds/I Bonds (I’m 34 why do I own bonds send help)
- 10% dividend stuff (SCHD + a little JEPI because I’m fancy now)
- 10% Bitcoin/ETH (down from 40%, progress!)
- 5% random single stocks I refuse to sell for emotional reasons
Mistakes I’m Still Making So You Don’t Have To Diversify investment portfolio
- I check my portfolio way too often. Like, open the app, see red, eat an entire family-size bag of Takis.
- Still have that Florida condo. Tenants just put a hole in the wall doing… something. I don’t ask anymore.
- Keep a “fun money” account on Webull with $2k I’m allowed to YOLO. Current holding: SOUN because I’m still trash.
Look, diversifying your investment portfolio isn’t sexy. Nobody’s making TikToks about buying VT and chilling. But my blood pressure is lower, my sleep is better, and I’m not refreshing Reddit every five seconds waiting for Elon to tweet.
If you’re sitting there with 90% in three things like I was, just… start. Move 5% somewhere boring this week. You’ll hate it and then you’ll thank yourself.
Anyway, I gotta go—whataburger just texted me a coupon and my willpower is weak.Diversify investment portfolio
Go diversify your investment portfolio before the market teaches you the hard way like it taught me. You got this. Or don’t. I’m not your dad.
(Still holding a little GME though. Don’t tell anyone.)
