Okay. Deep breath. Here we go.
Maximizing retirement savings feels like trying to fill a bathtub with a teaspoon while the drain is wide open and someone keeps flushing the toilet upstairs. I literally learned that the hard way last month when I opened my 401(k) statement in the Target parking lot, saw the balance, and just sat there eating cold Chick-fil-A fries in silence. Like, full existential crisis in a 2012 Honda Civic with a cracked windshield.
I’m in Austin right now—December, 70 degrees, everyone’s wearing shorts like we didn’t just have Christmas lights up—and I’m sitting on my balcony drinking yesterday’s cold brew because I’m too cheap to buy a new one. That’s basically the vibe of my entire retirement journey. https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras
Why I Used to Be Trash at Maximizing Retirement Savings (And Still Kinda Am)
Real talk: I spent my 20s convinced I was gonna die at 45 from stress or an overly ambitious brunch. So retirement? Didn’t cross my mind. I blew an entire tax refund on a music festival in 2017. I still have the wristband. It’s in a drawer next to unpaid parking tickets.
Then I turned 35 and had that moment where you Google “average retirement savings by age” and immediately want to yeet your phone into traffic. Mine was… not great. Like, “might have to eat cat food” not great. https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras
The First Simple Retirement Strategy That Actually Hurt So Good Maximize Retirement Savings
Automate everything. Seriously. I set my 401(k) contribution to increase 1% every January and named the saved search “screw you, younger me.” The first time it hit 15%, I felt physical pain—like someone kicked me in the soul—but now I don’t even notice. It’s like ripping off a financial Band-Aid, except the Band-Aid is made of tacos and Uber rides.
Pro tip: If your job offers a match, take it. Free money. I once left $6,000 on the table because I “forgot” to enroll. I still wake up sweating about that. Maximize Retirement Savings https://www.fidelity.com/retirement-planning/overview
The Roth IRA Hack I Learned From a Reddit Stranger at 2 A.M. Maximize Retirement Savings
Backdoor Roth IRA. Sounds illegal. Isn’t. I did my first one in 2023 while stress-eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on my couch. The IRS got zero of my gains last year and honestly? Chef’s kiss. Here’s the dummy version I wish someone told me:
- Put money in traditional IRA (non-deductible because I make too much now, lol)
- Immediately convert to Roth
- Pay taxes now like a responsible adult
- Watch it grow tax-free forever and flip off Future Me https://www.fidelity.com/retirement-planning/overview
(Here’s the actual IRS page if you want to adult properly: https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras)
The Side Hustle That Accidentally Supercharged My Retirement Savings
I started writing petty product reviews on Amazon for gift cards. Don’t judge me. $50 here, $100 there—it adds up. I funneled every single dime into a brokerage account. Last month I hit $10k in there and cried happy tears into my Whataburger cup.
The “No-Spender” Months That Felt Like Torture (But Worked)
Every February I do a no-spend month. No eating out, no Target runs, no “I deserve this” Amazon orders. I cook sad little meals and hate my life for 28 days. But last year I dumped an extra $2,400 into my Roth because of it. Worth it? Ask me on day 27 when I’m eating plain rice and rage. Maximize Retirement Savings https://investor.vanguard.com/investment-products/etfs/profile/vti
Quick & Dirty List of Simple Retirement Strategies I Swear By Now
- Max the match (free money, bro)
- Auto-escalate contributions so you trick yourself
- Open a Roth (backdoor if you’re fancy now)
- Side hustle shame money straight into investments
- Do one no-spend month a year and suffer beautifully
- Invest in low-cost index funds and chill (Vanguard’s VTI is my emotional support ETF)
Yeah, I’m Still Behind (And That’s Okay-ish)
I ran the numbers on Fidelity’s planner thing (https://www.fidelity.com/retirement-planning/overview) and if I keep this up, I’ll be… fine? Maybe? Probably not yacht fine, but “can retire without moving in with my brother” fine.
That’s the thing nobody says out loud: maximizing retirement savings isn’t about being perfect. It’s about doing slightly less dumb stuff than yesterday. Maximize Retirement Savings https://investor.vanguard.com/investment-products/etfs/profile/vti
Anyway. I gotta go transfer $37 from my checking to my Roth before I spend it on iced coffee. If you’re reading this and panicking like I do daily, start with one thing. Just one. Automate $50. You’ll hate it. Then you’ll thank yourself.
Or don’t. I’m not your mom.
(But seriously, do it. Future You is already stressed enough.)
