Okay, let’s do this.
Retirement planning feels like the adulting thing I keep putting off while I’m standing in the Target dollar spot at 11 p.m. buying another candle I don’t need. I’m 42, sitting cross-legged on my couch in Austin right now, there’s a half-drunk Topo Chico sweating on my coffee table and my dog is snoring so loud it’s messing with my AirPods. Anyway, retirement planning in your 20s through 60s is what we’re talking about today because I finally opened my Fidelity app without immediately closing it in panic. https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started
Why Retirement Planning in My 20s Was Basically Non-Existent Retirement Planning
I was 24, living in a crappy walk-up in Chicago, eating $3 deep-dish on Tuesdays because it was “cheap.” My idea of retirement planning was telling myself I’d “figure it out when I’m 30.” Spoiler: 30 came, I still had $400 in savings and a credit-card balance that could buy a used Honda. Classic move: I literally spent my tax refund on Lollapalooza tickets. Zero regrets on the vibes, 100% regrets on the compound interest I murdered. Retirement Planning
What I wish someone had shaken me and said:
- Max the company 401(k) match; it’s free money, bro
- Open a Roth IRA even if it’s just $50 a month; future me is screaming thank-you
- Stop buying $7 cold brew every single morning (I did the math once and almost threw up)
Retirement Planning in My 30s: Panic Googling Edition Retirement Planning
Fast-forward to 35. Got married, bought a house in the suburbs because “schools,” suddenly had a toddler who only eats organic strawberries that cost more than my car payment. Retirement planning at this stage felt like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it while someone keeps pouring in expenses. I finally automated $500 a month into a target-date fund and felt like a financial genius for exactly six days until the market dropped 15% and I stress-ate an entire cheesecake. Retirement Planning
Real talk bullets because my brain is fried:
- Increased 401(k) to 15% once the kid was in daycare (daycare costs more than my first apartment rent, send help)
- Opened a 529 because apparently college is now $400k
- Discovered r/financialindependence and went down a 4-hour rabbit hole at 2 a.m. while the baby monitor glowed red
Retirement Planning in My 40s: The “Oh Sh*t” Wake-Up Call Retirement Planning
I’m here right now. Turned 42 last month and had that moment in the H‑E‑B parking lot where I realized I’m closer to 65 than to 25 and almost dropped my phone in a puddle. Current net worth is… fine? But nowhere near the “coasting FI” spreadsheets I drool over. My Roth IRA is finally respectable, but my HSA is pathetic because I keep using it for random copays like a chump. https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started
Stuff that’s actually working lately:
- Maxing HSA + backdoor Roth every January like it’s a religious ritual Retirement Planning
- Switched to low-cost index funds and stopped trying to “beat the market” with meme stocks (lost $3k on Dogecoin in 2021, never again)
- Started a taxable brokerage because apparently that’s a thing when you run out of tax-advantaged space
Retirement Planning in Your 50s & 60s: What I’m Terrified I’ll Screw Up Retirement Planning
I’m not there yet, but I’ve watched my parents and hooooo boy. Dad retired at 62, realized Social Security barely covers Costco runs, went back to work part-time driving for Uber. Mom keeps clipping coupons like it’s 1987. Lessons I’m tattooing on my brain:
- Delay Social Security until 70 if you can swing it (huge difference)
- Figure out healthcare before Medicare; that gap is brutal
- Downsize the house before you’re emotionally attached to 40 years of junk in the garage
Look, I’m still a hot mess. My “retirement plan” folder on Google Drive has 47 untitled documents and one that just says “panic.docx.” But saving for retirement isn’t about being perfect, it’s about doing a little more than yesterday me; who was, let’s be honest, probably buying another houseplant instead of investing. Retirement Planning https://www.choosefi.com/fire-calculator/
If you’re in your 20s, start literally anything today. If you’re in your 40s like me, it’s not too late; just stop doom-scrolling and go increase that 401(k) percentage right now. I believe in you because future you is counting on present you to not be an idiot.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my dog just farted and I need to open a window.
Drop your most embarrassing money mistake in the comments; I need to feel less alone. And if you want a free retirement calculator I actually use, here’s the one from Vanguard that doesn’t make me want to cry: https://investor.vanguard.com/calculators/retirement-nest-egg-calculator Retirement Planning https://www.healthcare.gov/retirees/
Let’s not suck at this together. ❤️
