Look, financial consulting literally stopped me from becoming a cautionary tale, and I’m saying this while sitting in my freezing Ohio basement at 2 a.m. because the heat bill is ridiculous and I still haven’t figured out how to budget for that yet.
I used to think I was hot shit with money. Like, 2021 me was out here buying random meme coins because some dude on Reddit said “this is the one.” Fast-forward to me eating Aldi brand cereal for dinner and pretending I liked it. My Robinhood account looked like a crime scene. I distinctly remember staring at a $9,400 loss on some garbage EV stock and whispering “happy birthday to me” because yeah, that happened on my actual birthday.
Why Financial Consulting Finally Broke My Ego
I fought it forever. Kept telling myself, “I got this, I read one Reddit thread, I’m basically Warren Buffett.” Spoiler: I’m not. My financial advisor (shoutout to Sarah who now, love her) took one look at my mess and didn’t even laugh, which honestly hurt more. She just went, “Okay… so we’re starting from negative coping mechanisms, got it.”
First session she made me write down every subscription I had. Turns out I was paying for FOUR different streaming services, onlyFans I forgot about (don’t ask), and some crypto newsletter that was literally just a guy yelling. Cancelled $187/month in pure stupidity that same day. Felt like finding money in an old jacket, except the jacket was my dignity.
The Tax Stuff I Was Too Dumb to Know About Financial Consulting
Turns out rich people don’t get rich by accident, they get rich by paying people to handle the boring crap. I was claiming zero deductions, hoarding receipts in a shoebox like a raccoon. Sarah showed me how to actually use my side-hustle losses and suddenly I got a $3,800 refund instead of owing. I cried in a Chipotle parking lot. Yes, really.
How Financial Consulting Stopped My Impulse Spending (Mostly)
I still buy dumb stuff, don’t get it twisted. But now when I’m about to drop $400 on vintage Nike Dunks at 1 a.m., I have to text Sarah a screenshot first and she just replies “🤨” and somehow that’s enough shame to close the tab. It’s like having a financially responsible angel on my shoulder who judges silently.
Random Bullet List of Shit I Learned the Hard Way:
- Maxing out Roth IRA early in the year > waiting till April like a chump
- “Index funds” aren’t boring, they’re just winning quietly while I was losing loudly
- Health savings accounts are basically free money if you don’t die (her words, not mine)
- Stop trying to time the market, you’re not that guy pal
Anyway, I’m still messy. My credit card still gets a little spicy around the holidays, and I definitely stress-bought a $70 candle last week that smells like “regret and sandalwood.” But my net worth is finally going up instead of doing the cha-cha slide into the negative, and I sleep slightly better.
If you’re sitting there with 18 tabs of “how to fix my finances” open like I was, just do it. Book the consult. Yeah it costs money, but so does eating regret cereal every night.
Hit me up in the comments if you’ve got your own financial facepalm moments, I need to know I’m not alone in this very American chaos.
And if you’re ready to stop winging it, here’s the same platform I used to find Sarah → NerdWallet Advisor Match (not sponsored, just saved my life).
You got this. Or at least your future financial advisor does.
