Okay, so I’m literally sitting here in my apartment in Austin right now, it’s 1:17 a.m., there’s a half-drunk Topo Chico on my desk that’s gone flat, and I just realized I need to create a comprehensive financial plan before I turn 30 and completely lose the plot. Like, seriously. I spent my twenties pretending “vibes” were an asset class.https://www.ramseysolutions.com/retirement/roth-ira
Why I Finally Decided to Create a Comprehensive Financial Plan (Instead of Just Vibing)
Look, last month I opened my Chase app and saw $47.12 in checking and immediately stress-bought Whataburger Honey Butter Chicken Biscuits for emotional support. That was the moment. I was like… girl. You cannot keep doing this. I’m tired of living like a raccoon with a Venmo account. So I sat my chaotic ass down and actually started creating a comprehensive financial plan that isn’t just “manifest abundance” and crying.https://www.choosefi.com/50-30-20-rule/
Step 1: Face the Ugly Numbers (My Net Worth Was Negative, Send Help)
First thing I did to create a comprehensive financial plan? I made a spreadsheet called “The Crimes I Have Committed.” Listed every single debt: $11k left on my 2017 Subaru (she’s cute but she’s expensive), $23k in student loans that are basically my toxic ex at this point, and—don’t judge me—$1,200 on a Klarna balance for skincare I definitely didn’t need. Seeing it all in one place felt like getting slapped by Excel, but honestly? Kinda hot. Liberation through humiliation, baby.https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras
Step 2: Build the Emergency Fund (Even When You’re Broke AF)
Everyone says “3-6 months expenses” and I laughed so hard I snorted. My first emergency fund goal was $1,000. That’s it. Took me four months of eating rice and sadness, but I did it. Now I’m up to $4k and it feels like I’m rich. Like, someone could punch me in the face and I could still pay rent. That’s growth.
- Side hustle I actually stuck with: transcribing terrible podcasts for $22/hour
- Cut subscriptions I forgot I had: Adobe Creative Cloud (I’m not creative), some meditation app I used once while high, and Tidal (who even uses Tidal??)https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras
Step 3: Retirement Accounts? Yeah I Guess I’m Old Now
I opened a Roth IRA last week and put in $500 like I’m some kind of responsible adult. The Vanguard app asked me my risk tolerance and I almost wrote “emotional.” Ended up picking a 2060 target date fund because math is hard and I trust robots more than I trust myself.
The Part Where I Admit I Still Mess Up
Last weekend I spent $180 on vintage band tees because “they’re an investment.” They’re not. But at least now when I yeet money into the void, I transfer $180 from my “fun money” envelope in YNAB first instead of just panic-swiping. Progress is progress, okay?
My Actual Comprehensive Financial Plan Right Now (Steal It If You Want)
- 50% needs (rent, groceries, therapy copays)
- 30% wants (Whataburger, concert tickets, overpriced candles)
- 20% savings/debt/investments
- Secret 4th category: “taxes will probably murder me later” fund
I automate everything because if it’s not automatic, I’ll spend it on iced oat milk lattes and regret.
Anyway, I’m still a mess, but I’m a mess who finally started to create a comprehensive financial plan instead of just hoping the universe Venmos me one day. If I can do it while eating cold leftover tacos in my underwear at 2 a.m., so can you.
Your turn—drop your most chaotic money mistake below so I don’t feel alone. And if you need a free budgeting template that doesn’t judge you, DM me. I got you. 💀💸
